Download A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre by Josh Miller PDF

By Josh Miller

Americans were taught that their country is civilized and humane. yet, too usually, U.S. activities were uncivilized and inhumane.
—Howard Zinn

Shedding gentle on 500 years of suppression, this surprising exposé finds the pivotal function in American historical past performed via its so much invisible minority—zombies.

From colonization and revolution to international Wars and international hegemony, A Zombie’s historical past of the United States tells the robust and relocating tales of this country’s living-dead underclass, including:

•The zombie bloodbath of eu colonists at Plymouth Rock

•The grotesque killing of a zombinated Meriwether Lewis through his fellow explorer William Clark

•The doomed protection of the Alamo opposed to hordes of the attacking undead

•The heroic, platoon-saving cost right into a hail of German hearth via an undead Lt. Audie Murphy

•The top-secret NASA missions that launched(and frequently misplaced) zombies into space

•The anti-terrorist application to forestall the weaponization of the zombie virus

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Extra resources for A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre at Plymouth Rock to the CIA's Secret War on the Undead

Sample text

Washington was in the first boat of troops to cross the river, and despite the weather, it went off without incident. ” 46 A Revolting Revolution With Washington on the New Jersey shore, charge of the crossing had been given to artillery chief Henry Knox, a bookseller who had distinguished himself early in the conflict when he commanded a troop that retrieved the famous “guns of Ticonderoga” that had won the Americans the victory at Boston. Now, along with the men, Knox also had to safely see countless horses and eighteen pieces of artillery across the Delaware.

The British government passed on the offer, though Burr continued with his secret machinations until 1806, when one of his co-conspirators betrayed him to Jefferson. Burr was brought up on federal charges of treason, though ultimately acquitted. In disgrace, Burr moved to europe, where he tried to raise funds and support to establish a new zombie empire in Mexico, with no success. Burr died in 1836, never realizing his dreams of becoming emperor of the dead. 61 A Zombie’s History of tHe United stAtes after a hunt when they were charged by an enormously fat zombie, hungry for brains.

Making matters worse, the British needed to recoup investment from their costly war with France, and the colonies were where they expected the revenue—colonial trade had become increasingly important to the British economy—but by this stage the English were in far greater need of colonial wealth than the colonials were in need of British leadership. The situation was ripe for conflict. The Creeping Lurch to War Among the natural rights of the colonists are these: First a right to life, secondly to liberty, and thirdly to property; together with the right to defend them against man and walking dead in the best manner they can.

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